“ME” Time

I’ve realized for the last 3 years of “in a long distance relationship” my life has shifted drastically just like any other peeps who has the same situation as mine.

During those times when it was just me and Sammie, reading books are one of the things I love doing for my “me” time but when I met this guy I have to try and squeeze it in to tiny windows of time.

Well, obviously, being in a long distance relationship you have to maintain the constant communication not only thru messaging but as well as video calling. It feels like I was stuck in a timeline at that time.

Don’t get me wrong I never regret anything I have done for the relationship because the person was important to me and I love. It’s just that I’ve realized I tend to neglect my ownselves which apparently not a good choice.

Now I’ve realized I forget that I’m important too. My “me” time is soo important so I will not feel burn out. And at this stage this is what I badly needed.. to bring back the “me” time that was lost for 3 years. I miss those times that I can just do the things I love to do without hesitation.. without feeling guilty.. without hindrance..

I have this book with me for a year or two and I haven’t start reading it yet up todate. And now that I’m single again I will focus on myself more. Bring back the life I have before.

Feeling alone and sadness may visit me ocassionally but I have to remind myself that it’s common for someone who just broke up. But I need to face it like a warrior, inspite of the wounds and pain and heartache I will be strong to handle it till I’m all healed. I don’t need to rush because time heals all wounds.

As a start, will go back in reading books again!!!

Message to the one who cheated on me!

Two words….. MAN UP!

You are at your best again… lies after lies after lies. Admitting your fault will not make you less of a man. Who doesn’t err anyways? You cannot cover the sun with 1 finger dude.

It’s been a month now and yet you still continue telling your friends your brothers and the girl you are talking online that I was the one to be blame for everything. What on earth you are talking about??

After the arguments went unspoken and making me understand the situation. There is always madness in love but there is also always same reason in madness. You know for a fact the reason behind.

One quote says: “The course of true love never did run smooth”. We have our ups and downs you know we both tried our best but at the end of the day trust was broken especially in my behalf anf there really isn’t much we can do.

Despite all the fights I never regret being with you for 3 years and most of all I never regret giving you chances over and over again. After the break up, I tend to blame myself that maybe I wasn’t good enough. Perhaps it is because I have the tendency to get emotional and jealous and insecure and I did hurt you for being like that.

You hurt me in a way I would never want anyone else to experience because you only not hurt me but most of all my one and only daughter. I let you see my vulnerability and let my walls down for you. I let you share Sammie with you and introduce you to her someone she can call her dad in the future.

Thank you for the last 3 years. As much as I would love to work things out I always have at the back of my mind that I wasn’t good enough. I did my best and gave more than you deserved that even your family knows what I have done for you.

Thank you for teaching me to be resilient and strong despite being lied to. Thank you for the happy thoughts and wonderful memories. I hope someday you will find someone who is good enough for you and ur family, someone who will not cheat on you and someone who will love you and accept you for who you truly are. Not someone who is hiding the truth about him through pictures in IG.

One last word.. Women forgives but never forget!!!!

A letter to my Sammie

Sammie…..

Of all the people in the world you deserved a complete family with mum and dad but it is not the way for us, I’m sorry. But I want you to know that no matter what happen I will always be here to help you to grow up as a strong, defiant, confident woman in this crazy world.

How time flies! I was just holding you in my arms, helping you to learn how to walk, choosing the clothes for you to wear and here you are now growing up so beautiful and smart. You have your own likes and dislikes. You have your own sets of friends where in fact before you called me your bestfriend but don’t get me wrong I am so thrilled about it because I recall how scared you are with people and you even refused to go to school when you were young.

I am so proud of all the achievements you have as a student and as a person. How amazing how a little girl before who refused to go to school maintained her high grades from kinder level up to now on your Secondary 2 and not only that you always got A in your conduct.

Please remember that I am not perfect. I have made wrong choices and wrong decisions but inspite of that I have became a strong woman I am now. It’s ok to make mistakes as you grow older but learned from the lesson it will bring you. Never give up just because of one mistake but take it as a challenge to be careful in making choices again.

Thank you for making me a mother. I’ve learned, while taking care of you, a lot from you I never thought I could ever do. Thank you that inspite of all the wrong turns I have made you helped me realized that I am still a perfect mum with all the achievements you have. Thank you for making me proud of you and making me proud of myself.

No matter how old you are you will always be my baby. I love you Sammie💕🥰💕

An update…

How am I?

To the question if I moved on? I think the answer is I’m getting there. Not fully but yes moving forward. Through the help of newfound friends, my bestfriends Arnie and Teena I’m slowly get through with the broken heart issue. Thank God for them.

I started to  stay away from the things that is not building me up. I learned to push through every heart ache, every disappointment, every set back.

It is amazing what the human heart and mind can handle isn’t it? How after 3 years of talking to someone every minute of everyday you can just stop. How someone who you shared a life with, all the goals and plans and dreams can just stop just like that.

I wept for a few weeks. The emotional pain was so great that I felt it physically and leads me to wonder if a broken heart might kill me or cause me permanent psychological damage?

This is not the first time I had a heart broken but it seems this time its a different because the family of him was involved. Apparently, from my previous relationship never experience like this with their family. I still communicated with their sister or mother even though we broke up but this time it’s kinda weird.

I know I will get through this. I promise I will overcome this. Healing a broken heart is a process. There is no set timeline. I will take it one day at a time, that is all I need. I must picked up myself up after a fall. I will take the good things as memories and the not-so-good stuff as a lessons.

Still all is perfect in my world inspite of his absence. Life goes on because I still have Sammie with me. As time goes by love will bloom again in a beautiful way that is for sure.

Hang in there!

Set them free…

If loving someone means so much to you then set them free if you can see that they are not happy like they used to be.

Letting go is not an easy task. Deep inside of you is hurting, cuts like a knife but it is the best thing you can do to someone you truly love who don’t love you anymore.

Some people are really good in hiding the real feeling inside of them. They can be a clown in front of their friends…they can sing and dance like crazing without knowing the people around them that he or she is devastated inside.

But when she is alone in her bed tears falling like a broken faucet. A silent sob so no one can hear it. She wanted to yell what is really inside of her but she refrain and choose to keep it within.

The wet pillows, the four corners of her room and the silent night are the true witness of what she is going through. And she is more than happy that these are the only one who could witness the pain she is going through.

It is not because no one will understand…It is not because she is trying to be brave…It is not because she is trying to be strong.. but because she doesn’t want them to be involved in a situation no one can help but her.

Letting go… moving on… be kind to yourself!!!

Moving on….

After a few years of the ups and downs in a certain relationship whether we like it or not moving on has to happen.

Yes break ups is such a painful feeling that a person could experience. But things happen for a reason. It is a weird feeling knowing how you used to be lovers that seems inseparable yet now you are like strangers for each others.

I am a firm believer that sometimes you say goodbye to the one you love not because you don’t love them anymore but mostly because you do love them too much and you want them to be happy without you in their life.

When you feel that they are not contented anymore of what is happening with the relationship and they are already looking for something or someone who will made them loved and important let them go. It is a kind of love a true love because you are not selfish to hold on to the relationship even if it will break your heart.

Yes continue to smile no matter how hurt deep inside. It is painful at the beginning especially when suddenly the beautiful memories comes to live. It is normal. It is common.

What is the most important thing is you let them go for their own happiness even if it makes you hurt…even if you still wanna hold on to…even if you still love them..

You don’t have to rush to fall in love again just to get even…or just to make you feel better.. love can wait at the right time and the right place.. live for the moment… you wanna cry because you hurt go ahead it will make you feel better…you wanna be alone? its ok.

Sometimes being alone really helps you to weigh every single thing that had happened. Time can heal all wounds. And never blame yourself or anyone why it didn’t work out as planned.

Thank him or her that they had been a part of your life.. that they made you happy for once in your life..that they made you feel loved for a while!

QT with the family

Monday was holiday here because of the celebration of Buddha’s birthday. It’s been two weeks that our weekend plans was wrecked by the rain and finally Mr Sun is showing up his smile today so we decided to catch up for a quality time at the beach.

One of the positive side of living in the island is you are sorrounded with the beaches. Just 10 mins walk and you can dip yourself into the sea. No sweat! No need to hassle yourself for too much prep..

Now that summer is nearly here..my family is already preparing for so many things to do. Of course one of this is going to the beach 😄..

Beach is a great place for a relaxation. Whether you will go for a swim or just lie on the sand reading book or snoozing.

Honestly, whenever I go to the beach it’s very occasional I go for a swim usually I just take my time there relaxing myself by reading book or snoozing 😬. It is a good relief for me to just relax by the sea. It gives me soothing feeling just looking at it. I am more than happy knowing that I am near the sea.